Going to grad school, being exhausted, and overwhelmed, having very limited time to spend with my husband and two small children, literally being unable to do much in the way of cooking, cleaning, etc because I just didn’t have the time, doubting myself every minute, pushing myself beyond sane limits… was the best thing to happen to my marriage since infertility.
Does that sound awful?? Well, it's true!
And grad school almost didn’t happen. I was really scared going into this process. I was afraid grad school would tear us apart. I think it's one of those things that either makes or breaks you. My husband had never been the kind to step in and pick up slack, but I think that he never REALLY needed to before. (I'm too damn capable!) I also think that seeing me trying so hard and really needing his help opened up some new piece of him. I really felt like it could seriously damage our marriage.. but in the end I decided that it was too important for that to stop me
Infertility meant that I was married for 4 years instead of 1 before I became a mom, I got to mature more as a person and learn how to be a wife before I had to learn how to be a mother... and grad school so far has meant that we're becoming to be a team, not competing factions for limited resources. It's an amazing paradigm shift. I finally feel like an equal partner whose goals and aspirations are equally important.. I know I have support, and that I can trust my husband to do the 'mom' jobs.. he's damn capable too.
It's amazing what supportive equality can do for your sex life. ;)
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