The day I learned I was pregnant with a baby girl was the day my passion for social change began. Growing up poor in a small, conservative community, I had been defined and limited by my gender and socioeconomic status. Neither of my parents went to college, and so I felt incredibly fortunate when I was able to attend. However, I had inherited the idea that college was merely a pit stop until I was able to fulfill my real purpose in life: marriage and children. I had loved college, loved learning and striving and pushing myself. Yet, I did not hesitate to put all that behind me when I got married. I took an uninteresting job that paid well and settled into the role of wife, excited for the fulfillment I had been promised. I then spent four years trying to get pregnant. My focus was entirely on getting to the promised land of ‘motherhood’, and how incomplete I was as a person until that happened. I didn’t continue my education or work towards a career. It never occurred to me to do so. Years of my life passed, month by month, waiting for a stick to turn blue. I baked, babysat, decorated and slowly died inside.
One day I stumbled upon an online community of women, and discovered my situation was far from unique. With their support, I began to look outside the home for distractions. My younger sister was about to graduate from high school, and I offered to help her with the transition to college. As I worked with her I felt recharged. It was not only the joy that comes from helping someone. I truly enjoyed the process; researching options, taking action and witnessing a plan take shape. I began to take the initiative within my groups of friends and family, taking on the challenge of planning and organizing events. I found immense satisfaction in the logistics. A problem to fix became an opportunity and I looked around me for more.
Then it happened. The stick turned blue, a bump began to show and I found myself in a small room being told, “it’s a girl!” As I contemplated the life growing inside of me, I often thought of the world I had grown up in and the messages I had heard. In preparation for childbirth I read dozens of books and took in-depth classes. It surprised me how much information most women are unaware of. As I discovered that knowledge gave me options, the less my quest was limited to birth. As a child I had given potential roles little thought. It was assumed my future was motherhood, and I did not question. Only when facing infertility, defined by what I was not, had I begun to wonder what I could be. Recognizing that I did not want that for my daughter sparked something new inside me. It was an awakening to the power of choice. Amidst dirty diapers and crushed cheerios I educated myself on women’s issues; reading books and articles, watching documentaries and Ted Talks, listening to podcasts and to the concerns of the women around me. I joined organizations and started asking questions. Watching my little daughter grow, I learned to find and embrace my voice. I became haunted by the lack of choices so many women are faced with, and, as with the other problems I encountered on this journey, I was driven to find a solution.
I wanted to improve the lives of the women in my local community. Motherhood was a much lonelier and more frustrating place than I had expected. Reaching out, I found that I was not alone. Many women feel a sense of isolation and a greater difficulty forming close connections. “Woman’s greatest calling” is a lot to live up to. Repetitive mundane tasks, a lack of any measurable accomplishments, and the societal pressure to remain positive, leads many to anxiety and depression. All of us trying so hard to be perfect, sure we are the only ones who can’t seem to make it happen. I decided to form a women’s group in my neighborhood. We arranged activities and shared personal triumphs and tragedies. More than just a place to manage child care and share resources, we were a refuge.
I felt compelled to do more. An opportunity arose to become a childbirth educator, and I jumped at it. I researched the various methodologies, compared the different certifications, and threw myself into the education. Within a few months, I had my own business and have spent the last 3 years educating small groups of couples in 10-week, comprehensive, evidence-based classes. Sharing the empowerment of knowledge and choice that I had found with other women was so gratifying that it energized me to go further.
To get involved at a higher level, I began volunteering for causes and political candidates that promote education and social programs for women. Before I knew it I was a representative of my precinct and represented the voters in my neighborhood at county and state conventions. Now I am pursuing additional education. I was recently able to take classes in both sociology and economics, and became immediately engrossed. Participating in class discussions and immersing myself in the reading, I found again that passion for learning and an outrage for injustice. Returning to academia also presented many challenges. I soon discovered a huge resource in the online communities of women to which I belonged. Women from many different groups were asking the same questions I had, and among them were women who had the answers. I recognized the potential to gain both academic assistance and a community of support, and so I created a new group. In less than a month, membership had grown to 65 people from across the country, and it’s still growing. The group has been a tremendous asset for us all. I completed my first college semester in over ten years with a 4.0 gpa and group of women cheering me on.
All of these experiences have magnified my sense of purpose. The ability to work closely with women, to aid in their education and witness their journey, continuously inspires me. I want to spend my life working to build communities of women who can fight for each other. I am driven, proactive and passionate; what I need are the practical skills to promote real, concrete changes in my community and beyond. I am confident the Master of Arts in Community Leadership can take me there. I will bring my passion and ability to my education. When I graduate, I will take my education to the community and use it to further empower, educate, and support women.
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